We used to play a game when I was young. After church on Sunday we would drive around the country and my dad, a farmer to his bones, would quiz us on what crop was out our window.
I think this is where the competition with myself started. I wanted to get it right. I don’t know why, I just did. Hearing my brothers and sister try to guess it was so fun. I was always confident, even if I didn’t know the answer, but I knew I could figure it out.
I will never forget the day he said:
“you guys will never guess this one. You’ve never seen it before. There’s absolutely no way you’ll guess it.”
We drove to a field not far from our farm and he parked the van. We all looked out the window, silently.
I stared out the window and thought for about 30 seconds and screamed:
“Peas! It’s peas dad!”
He slapped the steering wheel in disbelief and said
“How in the hell!? You little shit!”
I was shocked…proud…scared…I wasn’t sure if he was happy or angry.
My mom yelled “Tim! Don’t call her that!”
He laughed, apologized, and said that he just couldn’t believe it!
I will never forget that.
It’s weird the things kids remember. 
That scares the crap out of me. I have no clue what small things my kids will remember, but I’m just going to pretend that they will always view me as an Angel. I can hope, right?!
Since those days of looking out at the fields, I have been very competitive. Not the typical description of competitive, self competitive. I say self competitive because I never focused on comparing myself to other people, and if I sensed other people were comparing me to someone I would shy away from the situation. I wanted “collaboration” even at that young age. I never cared if my siblings got it right and I didn’t. I was always ecstatic if someone answered correctly and I would take detailed notes in my head of how he described those crops so I would be able to recognize them anywhere. More often than not, I didn’t win, or get it right, but I always had fun and learned a lot.
I learned a lot, because I failed. at. everything. Quit laughing! I am not exaggerating, I literally failed at everything. Even as an adult, I fail, every single day. I hate it, but after I get over the sting, I love it.
I keep trying different things, and approaching old things in new ways. Wrapping everything with gratitude and embracing it as best I can. I believe every person should maintain a healthy knowledge of their strengths, and damn it, I have perseverance that is unmatched.
It sucks to fail, but I know it is the only thing that has helped me succeed. They taught me that indispensable perseverance.
I didn’t set out to fail my Series 7 exam by 1 point, after studying for 6 months, but it happened. Oh yeah, and I was 3 months pregnant and then lost my job. See what I mean about failure?
Who cares? Well that’s a stupid question, obviously I did. A lot.
Then I learned, God has allowed and continues to allow me to fail because my stubborn ass hasn’t learned everything I need to learn yet. Which only means more great things, he isn’t done with me yet.
I fail a lot, but I consider myself very successful.
Success has a different definition for everyone.
I am successful because I have taken everything I learned during those painful failings and applied it to different areas of my life. I knew it happened because I could be better. I knew I could do better. I was humbled in ways I never could have been, had I not failed.
I ran a half marathon once. I trained so hard. The Sunday before it, I ran 10 miles straight, no walking breaks, and it felt easy. It could have been the GU but regardless, I was flying high. I knew I was going to kill it.
Come race day…I ran 10 miles pretty easy. The last 3 were hell. It was 85 degrees with humidity that felt like a sauna. I barely finished and ended up in the medical tent for hours on IV fluids. #fail…or was it success? Perspective.
If that hadn’t happened, I would not have explored Yoga more deeply and stumbled upon Ashley and found a deeper strength I didn’t know I had both physically and mentally. Which then introduced me to new friends at Mojo Fit Studios. It’s always a ripple effect.
I’m about to get real philosophical on you…and this doesn’t happen often.
As humans we naturally over complicate things, but I have one goal. I want to make it to heaven.
I’m self competitive, and I believe that supports my one goal. I can always be better than I was yesterday.
I will be a better disciple.
I will be a better wife.
I will be a better mother.
I will be a better employee.
I will be a better friend.
I will make decisions that help support me to be better than I was yesterday.
Today, one of those decisions was to do my workout and then play with my kids with no interruptions. Playing with them had no interruptions, my workout…oh it definitely had interruptions. 
Remember, success has a different definition for everyone.
And, you know what? I remember that story so well…you know the one 25 years ago, sitting in the van, staring out at that field…because I was right.
And who forgets when they prove their dad wrong?
