If I Am Taken Too Soon: A Letter To My Babies

Nova and Knox,

If God sees fit that I am only with you for a short time here on earth, I don’t want you to worry. You are so loved. You are here for a reason. I was here for a reason and I believe you two were part of that reason. I do not know what His plan is and I am sure even if I did, that I wouldn’t understand it, but I trust Him. I want you to, too.

I need you to know that I am always here, even if I’m not right here. I will never leave you. I am always in your heart.

If you are ever feeling lost, I want you to know you are not alone. I felt lost too. I am 32 years old, and even now I feel lost sometimes. When I feel that way, I pray and talk to people I love. We aren’t meant to find our own way. We are meant to lean on people who love us and to pray to the one who has all the answers.

You are strong.

You are smart.

You are worthy.

You are the best gifts I have ever received.

You can do anything you want in this world.

You will face struggles in this life and I want you to be grateful for them. I want you to embrace them as they come and ask yourself “how can I allow this to make me better?” Reflect and as you allow those struggles to help you grow. I want you to love yourself. Do not be critical of yourself. Instead, recognize where your strengths and weaknesses are and grow.

Please, love each other. I know how difficult it is to have a sibling but I also know these are friendships I can’t find anywhere else. You know each other like no one else does or ever will. Love each other like you do now at 3 and 1 years old.

Knox you can’t wait to see your sister each morning or to get home from daycare and chase her around the house. You are so concerned if she is crying or upset and need to be right next to her to hug her and attempt making it better. She needs your calm nature, it soothes her, remember that.

Nova you are such a fierce protector of your brother. You want to be his leader but you also so badly just want him to be your friend. If he doesn’t feel like hugging you, your heart breaks and then he caves and hugs you just to make you smile. You dance together every chance you get. Knox watches your every move and it is the most precious thing to watch. He mimics you and then breaks into his own moves. He looks up to you, and always will, remember that.

The way you treat each other now, makes me so proud. Please, always strive to love each other like this.

Be kind to each other and when you see each other struggle, help. Do not wait for someone to ask, offer your hand out of love.

Do kind things for others, and do not expect anything in return.

Character is what matters and make sure to preserve yours. Make decisions that align with who you are and who you want to be.

If something makes you feel uncomfortable, there is a reason. Never ignore your gut feelings.

Your worth does not depend on anyone’s opinion or how anyone treats you.

If you are not chosen for the baseball team, you are still worthy.

If you are not chosen for orchestra, you are still worthy.

If you didn’t get the job you wanted, you are still worthy.

If you did not win first prize in the art competition, you are still worthy.

In these situations, ask yourself “how can I allow this to make me better?”

If another person’s genuine joy, does not bring you joy, I want you to ask yourself why. If it is due to jealousy, I want you to work on that.

It is always ok to feel however you are feeling, whether that is good or bad. What defines your character is how you allow those feelings to affect your actions.

Do not treat people how you think they deserve to be treated, treat them how Jesus would. If you do not know what that means, simplify it, choose love.

Do not make any decisions while you are emotional.

While I cannot tell you everything you will ever need to know, in a simple letter of love, I need you to know life is simple. We as humans tend to overcomplicate everything, but God tells us life is simple. If you are ever confused, remember that and give yourself grace.

Always remember…

You make me a better person.

You give me strength I did not know I had.

You make me love your daddy deeper.

My favorite part of every day is coming home to you both and your daddy.

You are better than you believe.

You are stronger than you know.

You can love deeper than you are aware.

God will guide you, if you allow him to. Allow him to hold your hand through pain because that is all a parent wants to do.

I was happy before I knew you, but I didn’t know joy until I met you.

Love like this knows no bounds, and I will always be with you.

You are my favorite girl in the whole world.

You are my favorite boy in the whole world.

You are forever loved,

Mama

I am very aware of how fleeting moments and years are and now that I have children I think of that often. I have dealt with a lot of loss in my young life and have wondered how I could answer questions my babies have yet to ask, if I were taken from them too soon. Thus, I have written this letter that I personally keep for them.