5 reasons why your kid is whining

My great uncle hated whining. He used to distract us from it by playing guitar and singing the most hilarious songs to us when we were young. He was about 6 feet 5 inches tall and his wife was 5 feet 2 inches. When a “giant” man picks up a guitar and aggressively sings a whining song, you listen. You laugh, but you listen.

They were and are some of my favorite people in the whole world. We were visiting them in Arkansas one summer and my younger brother started whining about something. My uncle immediately picked up his guitar and started playing and singing a song he titled “whine patrol”.It was hilarious. We all would start laughing and stop whining.

Now that I am a parent, I know exactly why he did that. He did whatever it took to get us to stop the whining. Adult ears have a very hard time listening to it…or do they?

Whining, or what we perceive as whining is one of the most frustrating sounds. It could easily put me over the edge if I let it, and believe me I have let it.

As an adult though, you whine every day. You know it’s true.

“Why is it so freaking cold outside?”

“Why do you have to drive so slow?!”

Kids whine for the exact same reasons as adults do. Furthermore, adults are typically to blame for kids whining. What?! Yep. Who as an adult wants to accept that though? No way, it’s the kids fault.

They have no control.

They constantly have all of their decisions made for them. You are telling them when to get up, what to eat and when, where they are going, when they will come home. You drop them off at daycare or school and they have adults there doing the same thing, barking orders at them.

They are not robots that should be expected to just fall into line and follow an adults every command. No one enjoys being told what to do 24/7 without being given a few options or some respect of communication. Yes, even toddlers.

If your child starts whining, take a moment to rationalize why that might be?

“I don’t WANT to eat that for supper!”

Ok, she was told what to eat for breakfast, dinner, snack and now supper. She obviously is feeling like she has no control, maybe I can still offer her the structure of our decision but an option of HOW she eats it, WHERE she eats it, or WHAT to eat with it.

“I understand you don’t want to eat this for supper. It must be hard being told what to eat every day. However, this is on the menu. Would you like to eat blueberries or raspberries with it?”

My 3 year old responds favorably to us providing an option while holding firm on what we as adults have decided is best. It has been easy for us to see how simple choices ease the whining and it makes everyone’s day go much smoother. You are upholding the structure you have determined as parents but you are allowing them to freely communicate and have a say in decisions you have chosen to be suitable.

You are not listening.

You say you are listening, but are you? Are you listening to what they are saying or are you just hearing what you think they are saying?

Children are highly emotional and reactive beings. They know that they are feeling something, but they do not understand why. We are there to lovingly guide and educate them as to why they might be feeling a certain way, but we cannot do that unless we are truly listening.

I tend to get a little whiny when I don’t feel heard. It is profound to be given the time and respect to be heard and understood. If you grant your kids time to express themselves even in the form of whining, you are giving them the gift of being heard. You can then empathize and educate them on a nicer way to express themselves, aside from whining.

“I understand you don’t want to go home right now. It is hard to go home when you’re having fun. Next time, if you would like to stay a few minutes longer, you can ask in a nicer voice and we can talk about it because I don’t understand you when you are whining.”

They don’t understand.

I have ridden quite a few roller coasters in my life and many times I have found myself wondering why. There I go…whining again…

Have you ever been given instructions from your boss only to walk away and roll your eyes because it makes no sense and you’re wondering why you even need to do it? My guess is, your next step was to complain about it, to someone other than your boss.

Kids don’t care, they will ask you ‘why’ straight to your face. God bless them. They teach us so much.

They do this because they have confidence, their pride has not gotten in the way (again, they teach us so much) and they truly want the answers to the questions they’re asking.

“I don’t want to eat vegetables, they’re disgusting! Why do I have to!?”

They want to know! Tell them!

“Wow, it sounds like you think vegetables are disgusting. Vegetables are healthy and provide you nutrients that keep you healthy. Did you know that? That’s why I eat my vegetables every day.”

No, this is not a magical solution to get your kids to eat their vegetables, but it opens a doorway to discussion. You can then discuss how you can try to make them taste better by using oils and spices and ask them to help you make them next time.

They have had screen time.

Since our kids were born, we have limited screen time for quite a few reasons. Mostly, because we wanted to foster creativity and a low reliance on being entertained. It is typically a reward for cleaning up toys, and allowed for sick days and family dates.

It was only recently that our experiences with our kids reinforced our rules in this area. We had experienced quite a few days of our 3 year old being in a fantastic mood, to then her mood completely shifting after watching a movie or having some iPad time.

We implemented a countdown where we would warn her of how many minutes were remaining and then allowing her to turn the TV off or close the iPad. This works well, however her mood is still never quite what it was prior to the screen time.

It has been proven many times that limited screen time improves attention, language and memory and I can attest to that. If your child is whining, it may be worth noting whether or not there is a screen time correlation.

Most parents I know have and honor screen time rules, but Grandparents seem to have a harder time because they know how much their Grandchildren love screens and so they want to give them whatever they love. Same goes for candy…and unhealthy food….oh man don’t get me started. If you have implemented screen time rules, communicate that to the Grandparents and explain why because it makes it easier to have it reinforced if everyone is on the same page.

They are hungry and/or tired.

Sometimes it is much better to steer clear of me if I am too hungry or tired. Low and behold, it is the same with my children.

Whining is at an all time high if they have not had their naps or bedtime honored, or if they are hungry. One step further, if they have not been fed their normal healthy meals, whining quickly follows because they aren’t feeling like themselves.

I always carry at least one granola bar in my purse at all times just in case this hunger strikes at the wrong time. We also have honored their naps and bedtimes since they were born, and believe me, this makes everyone’s life a lot easier.

Anytime my kids are whining I try to take a step back and figure out why. It is one of the hardest things to do as a parent and I work on it daily. They are little humans, unable to understand why they feel the way they do and they are relying on us to help them figure it out. I want to provide them stable guidance and not emotional reactions that end up in them feeling shamed.

I know that is the kind of empathy I would like to receive when my adult whining is at it’s height, so why wouldn’t they?

How do you handle whining?

Always in love,